


A Feline Fraud

by Gracefullblabber



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:47:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gracefullblabber/pseuds/Gracefullblabber
Summary: Aziraphale finds a cat and is immediately suspicious. That's it, that's the fic
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	A Feline Fraud

In hindsight, the whole incident wasn’t Aziraphale’s fault. It really wasn’t. Crowley hadn’t been around for the past week, and he was always up to something. And with the unfortunate breakage of an expensive bottle of wine right before the demon vanished, Aziraphale was waiting for hell to break loose (metaphorically speaking, of course). So when he unlocked the bookstore door and heard pitiful mewls inside, he was immediately suspicious.

“Crowley? Is that you?”

The only response was another tiny meow, the origin still unknown. Aziraphale navigated past the lumpy armchairs and teetering stacks of old books to find a startled cat staring up at him with yellow eyes. Eyes that looked oddly similar. 

“Oh, you can’t still be angry about that ‘47 Cheval-Blanc! It really wasn’t all that good, hardly worth the price tag.”

Once again, the cat replied with a meow, a little more aggressively this time.

“Is this another attempt to show I’m not a very good angel? Because I  _ will  _ put you outside, Heaven help me. I don’t want my new couch covered in cat hair and I don’t care if that makes me ‘evil’.”

The cat stared at him. Aziraphale stared back. He briefly considered that perhaps this wasn’t his nemesis-turned-friend, but rather just a regular cat. But Aziraphale dismissed the thought almost immediately. After all, no ordinary feline could have that particular shade of copper fur, which was exactly the same as Crowley’s hair. Not that he had been staring at Crowley’s hair, of course, what a ridiculous notion! Aziraphale was just observant, perfectly standard for an angel.

The cat let out another noise, which sounded much more like an angry purr than a plaintive mewl. Goodness, how many sounds could these little creatures make?

“Very well, if you insist on pretending to be a cat, then I shall treat you as one. So instead of merlot and chocolate truffles, I shall feed you milk and, well, whatever else a cat can eat. How does that sound, hmm? Change your mind yet?”

The cat, or rather, Crowley in feline form, stared at him. Aziraphale sighed. It was going to be a battle of patience, and an especially tedious one at that. But he was determined to persevere. 

Once their little routine was established, Aziraphale found himself able to live with cat-Crowley quite easily. Feeding an immortal demon was much easier when he was in the form of a tiny carnivore, and he never interrupted Aziraphale’s research with nasty quips. There had been the unfortunate incident that precipitated the purchasing a litter box (he’d scolded cat-Crowley very firmly, and was met with a silent stare. I mean  _ honestly _ ), but otherwise, the days slipped away in peaceful companionship. All in all, things had settled so nicely that Aziraphale was waiting for Crowley to turn back into human form at some point. How long would he want to keep eating canned food and sleeping on a cushion?

That particular day was the usual cold and drizzly London afternoon, and Aziraphale was seated comfortably with a cup of cocoa and a good book. Cat-Crowley had curled up on his lap, gently purring, which was his habit lately (presumably to get under Aziraphale’s skin and make him lose this particular fight). Their peace was interrupted with the front door banging open.

“Angel! Where are you? I’ve finally gotten my hands on some good vino, but I’m still angry about you breaking that fucking cabernet.” Crowley pulled off his sunglasses and peered at him, “What are you doing- Is that a cat?!? Since when do you have a pet, let alone a  _ cat _ ? I would’ve thought a little fluffy Pomeranian is more your style.”

Aziraphale gaped at him, then looked at the cat in his lap. Suddenly the persistent butt licking made sense.

“But, I thought- I thought the cat was  _ you _ , Crowley”

“Why on Earth would I become a cat? Really, angel, you’d think our Creator would have put some brains in that pretty head of yours. I’ve no desire to lounge around eating tuna. Well, now that I think about it, doesn’t seem like too bad a life. But I am not that particular cat.”

“But, but, he looks like you! The eyes! The fur!”

At this, Crowley grabbed the cat by its scruff, ignoring the plaintive whines. He stared at the animal for a few moments, then let out a snort.

“Angel, this cat is female.”

Aziraphale felt himself blushing, “Well, I didn’t think it would be very appropriate for me to look at his- I mean, her- nether regions.”

“ We really need to get you out more. It’s I will agree the coloring is a funny coincidence, but you’d think I would keep the sex the same if I’m changing forms to annoy you. Male cats smell much worse, not unlike humans,” Crowley snorted, and proceeded to walk to the door with the cat still in hand. 

“Wait! Where are you taking her?”

“I thought you were only keeping this animal around because you thought it was me?”

“Well, yes I suppose. But she has been rather nice company, and I already have all the supplies. So I may as well keep her.”

Crowley stared at Aziraphale, then sat the cat down gently. “Alright, it’s your bookshop. But I won’t be scooping her litter box. Now, do you have any food here, or do I need to order in some curry?”

“Oh no, I have enough for a nice tea. Sandwiches and biscuits alright?” He was already bustling towards the kitchen.

“Yeah, that’ll do, but we better have something nice for dinner. Oh, and angel?”

“Hmm, yes?”

“If you thought that cat was me, then why was it sitting in your lap?”

Aziraphale blushed once again, and decided against answering. Heaven help him, he’d actually missed the cranky old demon.

“For that matter, why were you petting it? And did it sleep in your bed? I have more questions the more I think about this bizarre situation, Aziraphale.”

Alright, maybe he hadn’t missed Crowley that much. 


End file.
